Comforting Someone Dealing With Anticipatory Grief

Dealing with anticipatory grief is tough to deal with, may it be after death or before, it is acceptable that there's no topic more difficult to deal with than grieving. And this is where the beauty of friendship comes. More than sharing all those happy and fun times, all those sharing secrets and stories, the true test of friendship can arise during those difficult times when we cope with grief, particularly with anticipatory grief.

Of course, we all want to help and be there for our friends and buddies when and if that time happens. But where to start and how do we go about it? Preparation is very helpful here. If ever you've had grieving experiences before, imagine how you felt at that time.

You can actually become familiar with the grieving process, and that also includes anticipatory grief. And while we're into it, you can make an effort with these tried and tested tips. 1. First and foremost, be a good listener to your friend. The mere act of listening to a person dealing with anticipatory grief will help someone feel lighter, release their pained emotions, and will aid them in talking about their loss.

Asking questions to an anguished friend will bring to mind the memory of his/her dying loved one. 2. Be there for your friend-be accessible. Since your friend is stressed and lonely, you can always try to be there for her/him. You can say, "I'll always be here if ever you need me", "I'm just a text or phone call away", "You can call me anytime", or "I'll be happy to be your designated driver this week".

You know, little things like those can be a big help for someone coping with anticipatory grief. 3. Be decisive-ask your loved ones how you could help them. Sometimes a person can be so drowned in their own sorrow and distress that they don't know what they need. You may step in and be a shoulder to cry on.

4. Patience is a virtue, so use it-- accept that your pal might take a long time to come into terms with normalcy and reality and the imminent loss. And this is where you must put your patience to the test. Anticipate but willingly accept to hear stories being rehashed over again and over again, but that's okay.

Just bear in mind and be grateful that she chose you as his/her sounding board and he/she trusts you that much. 5. Be helpful and sensible-- also, try offering to assist in some daily tasks. Some daily or mundane tasks like buying dog food, making phone calls, babysitting kids, preparing meals, grocery shopping or driving the kids home can be a great deal of help and support for the individual mourning or experiencing anticipatory grief.

Especially during this time, a person's appetite diminishes-so it's very helpful if you prepare meal food in advance. Also, be honest to tell them if they need professional help if extremely depressed. Bereavement counselors, therapy sessions and support groups can offer very effective advice.

About The Author
The author of this article, Amy Twain, is a Self Improvement Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Amy recently published a new home study course on how to boost your Self Esteem. Click here to get more info about her Quick-Action Plan for A More Confident You.

An Unlikely Fish Story

Tom Snaggerstock couldn't sleep.

He tried counting sheep. But after reaching 35,678, without so much as a yawn, he gave up.

It had been 6 months since Agnes broke off their relationship. Not that he missed her.

But darned if he wasn't lonely. He had dated a few times but they were all disasters. Still and all, he never lost faith in the idea that somewhere out there was the right girl for him. He just had to find her.

He looked at the clock. Four in the morning. What an ungodly hour to be wide awake.

There was nothing else to do but get up. And then what' Reading held no appeal. He doubted if early morning television would offer much escape.

And then came the idea. He would go down to the docks. The fishing boats would be coming in. There would be plenty of activity. Perhaps even a fight or two. You never knew about the early morning docks. .

When he arrived the boats had just been unloaded. The night's catch was being sorted into bins and buyers were making their selections.

Then he saw 'her'. He wasn't certain what drew him toward 'her', but the attraction was inescapable.

She wasn't what you would call attractive. I mean, how attractive can a dead fish be? But he knew he had to have 'her''or at least he assumed it was a 'her'. It didn't matter. She was going home with him.

He went over to the burly fisherman who was sorting his catch. 'How much for the big fish over there,' he asked, pointing to 'her'.

'You want just one fish'' the man growled. Tom nodded yes.

'Look, Buster, this ain't no fish shop. You want fish you buy wholesale and you buy in quantity.'

'How many do I have to buy?' Tom asked.

The fisherman looked him up and down. 'I'll make it easy on you, pal. An even dozen. Can't sell any less than that.'

Tom knew this was crazy. He didn't even know what kind of fish they were. And he certainly wasn't going to cook them. But he shrugged and said, 'Okay. One dozen. Be certain to include the big fish.' He pointed to 'her'.

The fisherman shrugged, grabbed 12 fish along with 'her', and wrapped them in a brown wax-like paper. 'That's an even $20.'

Tom knew it was a total rip-off but he wasn't going to ague. He paid the money and left.

When he returned to his apartment, he dumped the fish on the kitchen table. They all looked pretty much alike except for 'her'. For a dead fish she certainly had charisma.

So now what' He could give the extra fish to Mrs. Aberdine on the first floor. She seemed to be always cooking fish. Even her apartment had a permanent fishy smell about it. But what would he do with 'her'. The only logical thing seemed to be to cut 'her' open. Although why that seemed logical escaped him. It was just the thing you did with fish.

Taking a deep breath and a sharp knife, he made the first incision. He continued cutting until she lay completely open. Then he saw the ring.

He hadn't seen one of those things since he was a kid. It was an absolute, genuine, authentic Bat Man decoder ring. And the wheel still worked.

Also in the fish was a plastic capsule with a piece of paper inside. It contained what appeared to be a coded message. He remembered exactly how the ring worked and within a couple of minutes had the message decoded.

The message was obviously a telephone number. Forgetting that it was still early, he dialed the number. A sleepy female voice answered.

Tom almost hung up but said instead, 'I guess I woke you up. I'm sorry. But I just found this Bat Man decoder ring in the belly of a fish along with your telephone number.' Suddenly he realized how stupid that all sounded and wanted to hang up again.

He was ready to apologize when the voice said, 'That's wonderful! Do you know where Barnaby's is on West Seventh?'

Tom said he did.

'Can you meet me there for breakfast at 6:30? I'll explain everything to you. And bring the ring.'

When Tom walked into Barnaby's he saw her immediately. She was beautiful. Long golden hair, a fascinating smile and eyes that blessed him with a welcome. He didn't say a word. Just walked up to the table where she was sitting and put the ring down in front of her.

She smiled at him, picked up the ring, took a chain from her purse, threaded it through the ring and put the chain around her neck.

'I guess you're kind of curious about all this.'

Tom nodded. 'You might say that.'

'Let's have coffee and I'll tell you the whole story.'

Once they were both equipped with mugs, she started in. 'The decoder ring belonged to my older brother. He was killed in a motorcycle accident last year. I found it among his things and decided to wear it on a chain. It sort of made me feel like he was still part of my life. You see, I always worshipped my brother and hoped I would someday find someone just like him.

'Yesterday, I was out on a fishing boat with another of a string of Mr. Wrongs. When I caught this big fish, I suddenly had a really stupid idea. I took off the ring and stuffed it down the fish's mouth. I thought I might kill her but it didn't seem to bother her. Then I took a headache capsule from my purse, dumped out the contents, wrote my telephone number in code on a small piece of paper and added it to the fish's throat. Then I tossed her back in the water.

'I figured if there was really someone out there for me, he would somehow find the ring and know how to work it. Actually, I never really expected to ever see the ring again.'

Tom smiled. 'How about breakfast? Then let's go for a long walk. I think we both have a lot to talk about.'

Success Lesson: True love may have all the appearance of a dead fish'but look on the inside.

' Doug Grant, 2010

About The Author
Doug Grant has been a freelance writer for over 40 years. Here is another of his Funky Success Stories with a success lesson at the end. Enjoy more free funky fun breaks at http://www.funkysuccessstories.com/